Deborah Kuo on Unexpected Motherhood

Meet Deborah

I am an animal lover, late-to-parenthood mom, science-trained, lover of all things beautiful, proud second generation Canadian, self-taught native plant gardener, foodie, quality and process over speed and quantity, science-fiction and fantasy enthusiast, linguaphile, nature lover, city slicker with a penchant for the countryside and wilderness.

You’ve shared that initially you didn’t want to become a mom—what changed, or didn’t?

I don’t think anything changed per se… I believe that my own convictions helped me become the type of parent I want to be.

I also believe that being an older mom who has the financial stability and the opportunity to “live my life” the way I wanted in my 20s and 30s allowed me to gain the breadth of life experience that helped support me in my parenting journey.

What was the biggest shock or struggle in adjusting to motherhood?

The biggest struggle in adjusting to motherhood is having much of my schedule dictated by another person all the time.

I have always just really enjoyed having the freedom to choose how I wanted to live my life and how/when I wanted to do things.

Now it’s more about sharing what’s important to me and passing those philosophies and ideas to my daughter while respecting the person she is becoming

How has your relationship with your daughter surprised or transformed you?

I think that my daughter has surprised me with just how determined and resilient I can be.

I have often willingly done things that in the past, I would have not bothered with or just not seen the value in doing.

She has taught me the importance of our everyday choices and the impact that those choices endure into the future.

What stigma do you wish more people would talk about when it comes to ambivalence or the non-hallmark rendition of motherhood?

I wish more people said/thought, “I want to be a parent” rather than “I want kids”. I feel that the former has more impact about you will decide to show up in your relationship with your kids than you’d think.

Wanting something generally doesn’t extend past the desire of acquiring something… it doesn’t force one to really reflect the purpose and intention of acquiring something and the priorities that are important and how you want to actually show up in this “thing’s” life as well as your own.