Jessica on Fibroids, Loss, and Finding Joy Again

Meet Jessica

Jessica Stephens has a message she wishes someone had told her sooner: your worth was never in your womb.

It's a truth she had to find the hard way, through fibroids she didn't know she had, IVF that didn't work, and the particular kind of grief that comes from losing something you never got to hold. st plant mom I can be!

Today, Jessica is a social entrepreneur, sustainability advocate, and the self-described "rich auntie" to a constellation of little ones who light up when she walks in the room.

The former corporate marketer walked away from a career that looked good on paper to build a life aligned with what actually matters to her, one full of travel, purpose, and people she loves, like her husband.

She's passionate about helping people transform their daily lives, to live on purpose and do good for the planet while they're at it.

Can you share what it felt like to deeply want children but have your body say no?

At first it felt like it was just another hurdle on our path. Slowing us down to get to our happy life together. Long distance relationship, delay with immigration, my husband not able to find a job.

Nothing was simple for us, everything took longer and with more effort. I thought it was just more of the same. Until IVF didn’t work.

That’s when I knew this was not just a hurdle on the path. It was falling off the side of a cliff.

Grieving the loss of something you once had, I understood. Grieving for something you never hand, that broke me.

According to new data from the World Health Organization, infertility affects 17.5% of the adult population about 1 in 6 people worldwide.

For women of colour, that burden is compounded by cultural pressure to become mothers and a healthcare system that has historically dismissed their pain.

You mentioned you wish younger women knew they had options - in the society we are raised in women are conditioned to believe they are only of value if they become a mother - can you expand on the insight of your aha moments and wisdom that came through this experience?

It wasn’t until much later, when I was doing my inner healing that I started to unpack my childhood. And going back to when I had my first memory thinking about being a mother.

My sister had declared from very young that she wasn’t getting married and didn’t want kids. She told me, that’s all you.

So I suppose that was the first seed that was planted that I was expected to get married and have kids. I didn’t fight it. I did want to get married and have kids, why wouldn’t I.

I had an amazing childhood, wonderful parents and a big extended family.

Research shows that people broadly believe the major goal of a woman's life is to raise children and that motherhood is perceived as the essential component of being a woman. PubMed Central

How did fibroids and surgery shape your relationship with your body and your sense of worth?

Learning about my fibroids was like a punch in the gut or a slap in the face. I felt foolish for not knowing that this THING was growing inside of me and not having a clue about it. I didn’t have symptoms but still thought I should have known.

How could I have gotten to my 30’s with such little awareness of my own body. How did I not know there was something the size of a grapefruit growing inside of me. I knew my mother and aunts had had them, but didn’t know what they really were or how someone got them, or that women of colour were more likely to have them.

After having mine removed, I felt lighter, physically and emotionally. At the time, they represented the cause of my infertility and once removed, nothing was in the way anymore. But when I still didn’t get pregnant after it was gone, I hated my body even more.

The American Psychological Association (APA) reports that infertility diagnoses often accompany psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, shame, and strained relationships.

Research shows that infertility changes a person's body image, causing many to feel broken, insecure, and less physically and sexually attractive.

Negative self-talk related to infertility is common. often leading to false messages like not viewing oneself as a "real" woman when unable to conceive.

You’ve learned how to hold space for others without resentment—how did you get there?

I learned the hard way. Lost relationships and burned bridges.

I had to do a lot of inner work on myself and learn how to survive in a world that would constantly be filled with pregnancy announcements, baby showers and newborns.

I decided that I didn’t want to be the person who couldn’t be happy for my friends. I wanted to be the person who was overjoyed by babies and all the love they bring.

I knew that if I didn’t find a way to be happy with other people's joy and turn my back so I couldn’t see their happiness, I would end up isolated and alone.

What do you love most about your “rich aunty” role today?

I love that I get to be there for the kids in my life in a fun way. Treat them to things and let them know they have someone else they can rely on.

I love that I am not obligated to care for any of them but LOVE that I get to. I choose to care about these little people and help mold them into their future selves.

I have some wonderful aunts without kids in my life. They have been instrumental in who I have become and were the role models I didn’t know I needed.

I’m grateful for them, and looking back I think it’s interesting that they were there the whole time, right in front of me, successful, happy women without children.

Even though I didn’t continuously choose their lifestyle, because of them, I knew that I would still have a great life being Childfree.

Connect with Jessica

Website: JessicaStephens.ca

Instagram: Jess.loves.life

If you see yourself in Jessica's story here are resources & support to guide you

Community & Peer Support

Fertility Matters Canada is the go-to national organization. They offer fertility support groups and an online community to share, learn, and find support on your unique journey. Their mission is to provide accessible information on fertility and family-building to help people make informed decisions about their reproductive health. Fertility Matters

Financial Support — Ontario specifically

Ontario's government introduced the Ontario Fertility Program (OFP), offering publicly funded fertility treatments, including one cycle of IVF per eligible person, unlimited IUI cycles, and medically necessary fertility preservation. A new Ontario Fertility Tax Credit also reimburses 25% of eligible out-of-pocket fertility expenses up to $5,000 annually.

Coverage for IVF and other fertility treatments varies across the country, some provinces and territories cover certain fertility-related procedures while others do not. The Government of Canada maintains an up-to-date provincial breakdown at canada.ca. Canada.ca

Events

The Canadian Fertility Show is an annual educational conference and tradeshow covering IVF, IUI, egg freezing, surrogacy, adoption, male fertility, holistic therapies, counselling, and LGBTQ+ family planning options. The 2025 show is October 18 at the Westin Harbour Castle in Toronto. Canadian Fertility Show

For emotional support navigating childfree life after infertility, organizations like Gateway Women (global) and the offer community specifically for those who've arrived at a childfree life not entirely by choice.